I have begun reading Feeding the Whole Family by Cynthia Lair and am loving the intuitive, back-to-basics advice within its smooth cover.

It is, however, bringing to light just how many unhealthy food habits we still carry around.  After everything I have read, all the things I know, the documentaries I have watched, and despite my father and step mom being generous organic farmers I still struggle with eating right; I am still at war with these clingy, unhealthy pounds.

During pregnancy, I ballooned and was 55 pounds heavier by the final day.  I had good intentions and promised myself I would eat whole foods, green foods, nutrient dense foods.  I promised dad to eat all organic meat and to let him know when our freezer needed re-stocking.  I vowed to walk everyday.  The first 6 weeks were fine.  We toasted almonds and made a delicious spinach salad every night.  I always envisioned myself to be a glowing goddess when pregnant, but when pregnancy reality hit, it hit hard.  I was shipwrecked and plagued with constant nausea.  I craved comfort and "reward" foods of childhood days; things like alphaghetti, and kraft dinner became sad dietary staples.  The scent of the toasted almonds and spinach made my stomach churn and head spin.  I forbade Mike to make it in my presence again.  Pregnancy played evil tricks on me and I spent most of that summer on the floor or in bed with a sour stomach eating popsicles, grapes, and apples.

The nausea stuck with me for most of my pregnant days and I continued to grow, sleep and eat while Mike ran and shrank (nearly 40 pounds) and medicated me with food.  All of the things I had feared and hoped against had found me.  The lack of exercise and nutrients led to bouts of crying and dull depression and the cycle continued.

Today, I have managed to lose 42 pounds fairly effortlessly due to breast feeding and a more varied diet without aversions or cravings.  Though I am still eating a far from ideal diet.

I, in no way, want to make this blog about weight or weight loss, but it is an inevitable part of my journey.  In order to live an authentic and healthful life, I yearn to find balance in all areas of my life.  A great deal of my self-hate stems from my sub-par care of self.  This isn't something that I want to pass onto Poppy.  I want her to be in tune with her body's signals and needs and follow her intuition.  I don't to restrict her as forbidden fruit is always the most attractive, but I want to empower her to to make the right decisions. Until this morning, as I read Feeding the Whole Family, I was living in some sort of dream world in which I feed Poppy organic and homemade foods while I eat things I would never dream of giving her.  The day will come that she realizes we are eating different things and an unnecessary war begins.

Don't get me wrong, I love to cook, I love to bake, I love fruits and veggies, and there are very few foods that I refuse to eat.  We eat mainly organic meat and more veggies and fruits than most.  We drink water and rarely have pop in the house.  We avoid artificial sweeteners at all costs.  I love quinoa, and brown rice and never turn down herbs and spices.  Yet, I still cling to this unhealthy love affair with food; a part emotional, part physical addiction.

This book and new way of viewing things may just be the stepping stone I need.  You see, I have been a terrible friend to myself as I constantly make promises and then break them days or hours later.  Perhaps by doing this for Poppy it will be given a new sense of urgency and importance from which we will both benefit.

My goals

• Eat strictly organically produced meat, eggs, and dairy
• Greatly reduce processed sugars, high fructose corn syrup in daily foods
• Eat more legumes and grains
• Make from scratch the daily meals and snacks
• Limit or eliminate completely, sugar, pop, and processed convenience foods
• Participate in walking, swimming, light weights, jogging, yoga, and or meditation at least 5 times per week

Of course life will take hold at certain times and convenience will win.  We will eat birthday cakes and indulge ourselves in a pop {organic or not} or two.  We will undoubtedly eat Tony's pizza on hot days and at some fast food joint along highway 401 during a long road trip.  But with a good foundation all will not be lost.

e.

P.S. If you have some yummy and healthy recipes you would like to share, please email them to me at [email protected]!

Comments

[http://mysweetbabu.typepad.com]

Yeah, pregnancy does do all kinds of stuff to you that you have no idea about or think, "oh, that won't be me!" Each of my pregnancies have been different. This 3rd time around, I was super sick, but know, almost 5 months in, that has subsided. Although I haven't been crazy healthy, I am starting now and have also gotten back into my exercise routine...

I guess my point is that as long as we do something each day, eating mostly well, exercising some, it will really eliminate those negative feelings. Some might tell me, "oh, your pregnant, just enjoy it", but for me, I figure it is never too late to do a little something... You should be proud of yourself for all of the positive things you do already and not beat yourself up! We eat dessert every night in our house : )
alison

[exhale. return to center.]

i think that last paragraph is really important.

lay the positive foundation and then allow yourself to really enjoy the pizza or ice-cream or whatever it is that you desire, on occasion, without guilt!

you are doing great, mama!!! just keep taking baby steps!

(oh and just in case you are interested...i got to interview cynthia lair earlier this year. she's such an inspiration to me!!! http://eringoodman.com/blog/?p=6260 )

[Lesa]

If you have the money to eat like that, go for it. You can afford a luxury many of us can't.

[kate]

Feeding the Whole Family became a foundation for lots of mamas-- I know just what you mean. And much more than the weight loss, I think the golden nugget of wisdom you are talking about is, as you mentioned, self-care. Having been on this parenting journey for almost 11 years now, I can tell you that nothing will keep you choosing joy, staying present, and living authentically like remembering to take care of yourself too-- with food, with time, with whatever it is that feeds your soul most. As you tread into the waters of this food stuff, just remember to give yourself permission to slip and slide, and as erin said, take baby steps. You've got awareness and insight, and that goes a long, long way.

Oh, and I have to reply briefly to Lesa to say that truly, most anyone can eat this way with careful planning and choice making. In our house (a house without a ton of cash) we look at healthy eating as an important part of our budget. That said, I've researched the pesticide charts (so I know what's most important to always be organic), I buy everything I can in bulk, I tend a small garden, belong to a CSA, and our meats always come frozen (but organic) from a farm near our home. I think there is a misconception because a lot of packaged groceries that are "healthy" or "organic" are expense. But there are ways to eat well-- mostly by cooking from scratch-- that may end up costing less than a traditional shopping bill:)

[Jamie]

We too are trudging along this same journey. A group of my friends and I have decided to eat the majority of our food from local sources. We have a delivery of foods from a CSA as well as shopping at the local market each weekend. It has cut our grocery bill greatly. Therefore it costs us less really to eat local organic foods as well as cooking from scratch. (We love our homemade granola better than the store bought!) A great book that I go to often is Enlightened Eating by Caroline Dupont.
I too have had a difficult time with my post pregnancy state. I try and remind myself that my body will never look the same as before, how can it really? That I look like a woman who has had the gift of having children, which means more weight than I want at the moment. I am trying to take more moments to myself and start running again. I want my children to see me healthy, not thin. I believe there is a HUGE difference. In our society there is this strange notion that thin=healthy. I want to as you say, lay the foundation for something new.

[Denise]

I just got home with Cynthia's book - Feeding the Young Athlete. Don't be so hard on yourself - yet your list is great.

[hillary]

I just went through a diet clean out and though it was challenging at first it was so rewarding! My sweet babe was breaking out in rashes so I did an elimination diet to figure out what he was reacting too and what was most shocking was how much junk was slipping into our diet! I mean we eat pretty healthy, but it's the little things you don't notice.

Have you seen Food, Inc? Great movie if you need a little inspiration to keep the plate clean and green ;-)

[Elizabeth]

I have found that having a deep connection to the foods that our family consumes is really important. It's important in an environmental way, but beyond that its important spiritually. Slowing down enough to appreciate where our food comes from, taking the time to gather it ourselves, preparing and cooking it all with gratitude...greatly enriches my life. Gratitude is key...even if you are not eating organic, local. That said...I agree with Erin...baby steps.

[Lesa]

Kate. My family of three have a food budget of about $160 a month.

[kate]

Lesa, I totally hear you. My family of five (plus two dogs) has a food budget of around $380 a month-- and my oldest is a 10 year-old with a growing boy's big appetite! I'm not sure where you live, but perhaps finding a low-cost CSA would help? I paid $220 up front in April (which I had to pinch for months in advance), but I'm getting a huge amount of veggies each week through October, which means outside of apples (and those will be dirt cheap soon as fall hits) and bananas, I don't have to buy produce from May- October. That does mean we have to eat with the seasons (everyone had to acquire a huge love of Kale), but again, I think that's okay. When money was even more tight, I actually used to trade farm hours (I was basically a weed puller) for a CSA share-- that's the great thing about local farmers-- they are often more than willing to help community members on a quest for whole food eating. We do a whole lot of soups in the fall and winter (which stretch the bucks and make sure there aren't leftovers) and again, I buy bulk like crazy. I just think a lot of people see the organic/whole food movement and think Whole Foods prices-- and I just want to support you in saying it is hard, and certainly, on a budget, we can't get *everything* organic-- but there are ways to move, even in baby steps, in the direction of healthy family eating. All the best to you!

[Cindy]

I appreciate this post because I struggle too. I vow to do all that you mentioned but I like to cook (and eat) and sometimes get side tracked by unhealthy but oh so comforting food, you know things like chicken and dumplings,mmm. I think once in awhile that is ok. I do buy as much organic meat as possible and almost all organic produce and pantry items. But, recently we have started a real crack down budget, the final goal is to be debt free (including our mortgage) in a few years. I am struck by a new challenge now, buying organic and stay within my budget because buying orgainic is like a second house payment. I am afraid that I will have to sacrifice some of the organic purchases for a few years in order to make our budget goals and I REALLY don't want to. Thank you for this post, nice to know others deal with the same issues and are not perfect.
On another note I love the picture and the fact that we both have a "thong" tan on our feet :)