In the last week or so, I have been struggling with a feeling of time running out; clocks ticking.  In Canada, we are blessed with a full year maternity leave in which I receive about 50% of my regular pay from the government.  Pretty sweet deal.  I have decided to take this year and create a new way of making money while being a stay at home mama.  It is incredibly important for me to raise Poppy Anne {and our future children} myself.  I know that this isn't everyone's dream, but it is mine.  I love being home knitting, sewing, baking, decorating, gardening, loving, and homemaking.  I have no need for travel or expensive toys so long as I can have this.  I am content in this life if I can just be a mama at home.  Sometimes, at the risk of not sounding like the feminist I actually am, I wish we were in the fifties when a woman working outside of the home was an anomaly; when one income was enough.

A few weeks ago, I decided to take a bit of a leap and request a vendor application to have a booth at this year's Peterborough Folk Festival.  Today I received an email containing the application and fee information.  If I have my cheque to them before June 13th it is a mere forty dollars to participate.  I am thinking of selling some of my photos, handmade magnets {an upcoming tutorial for you friendly readers}, hand bound journals, silk screened objects, jewelry {which is currently in a local yoga studio}, and perhaps some homemade lotions, lip balms, body scrubs etc.  If this goes over well, I may jump into my own etsy store.  I would love to publish some sort of book.  I have also considered, once I attain a steady amount of readership, taking on sponsors for this blog.  Everything takes time and right now it feels as though that is slipping through my fingers more quickly than I ever thought possible!

But lets get back to the Folk Festival opportunity now.  It frightens me.  You see, I have always walked safely around the perimeter of the artistic circle; always admiring and wishing, but never really believing that I could one day participate, let alone make any sort of profit with my artisitc dream.  I am being honest when I tell you that it stirs up a mix of emotions and deep rooted self doubt.  There is a nagging part of me that doesn't think I can do this and there are times, such as these, when the want and the doubt wrestle tirelessly.  What if no likes it?  What if don't sell a thing?  What if it {I'm} not good enough?

So, I am going to take this opportunity to jump in with hopes of greatness.  Old habits and thought processes die hard, but with perseverance, they do indeed die.  I am realizing that the secret to living the life you want is to live as though you already have it.  Doing rather than over thinking.  Getting out of your head and into the task.  Wake up and move your hands and feet.  Explore and try despite not being perfect.  Shut off the mind gabble and listen to your heart.  Forget time lines and end products.  Worry not about the long term and live spontaneously.  Take more risks and road trips.  Reach out.  Allow it to take you where it will and enjoy the ride in the meantime.  Life and dreams are really that simple.  Allowing life to flow as it always has and always will.  You don't have to know or control the outcome; that isn't our problem.  Our only duties in this life are the doing the trusting; until one day we wake up and realize that we are, in fact, exactly where we are supposed to be and, although it may not be where we thought we would be, it is even better than we had ever imagined for ourselves.

What will you jump into today.

e.

Comments

[Lisa Stone]

Erin - we are so on the same page. I have been struggling, personally, with all of the same issues, but I never gave it a time limit. I stayed in my comfort zone far too long and am feeling so lost because of that.

Thanks to finding your blog, I am starting my own journey to climb away from my insecurities and learn to be successful. I have the goods, but not the confidence. I will continue on this journey until I believe in my placement in all of this. Thank you for your wisdom to question. It helps more than you know.

Stop by and see what your words have given me the confidence to begin sharing. I am not going to pretend that everything is great any more! I am going to get to the root of it all.

[Jen]

You have limitless talent Erin. I think you could do any or all of the things you have mentioned. Selling your goods, writing a book, opening a store... when is the Folk Festival?

I was waiting for you to post a blog today. It's so grey out and I am having an unbelievably frustrating day at work. Your optimism is just what I needed at this moment when mine had finally run out for the day.

Thanks also to everyone with the lovely blogs posted on Erin's site... I spent a good part of my early morning reading through many of them :)

[emilie]

erin, i think that we live parallel lives. i've just put in my notice with my job so that i can stay at home with my babes...and i can't wait.

and my etsy shop should be up within the week, haha. :-)

[jennifer]

oh yes! i do concur. good for you for putting yourself on the line just by sharing this with your new blogging friends. honesty brings forth all things good. you are on your way to ridding yourself of your biggest challenge... self doubt. you have already proven (to) yourself in this short blogging time that... well, you rock! :) i am in a similar situation, and am hoping to find some "new ground" myself. thanks for the inspiring words.

[Lecia]

Brilliant, Erin. I'm with you about wishing more families were able to do the parenting for their kids (via one income, each working part-time, whatever). Thank you for the reminder about living your life with the expectation that your hopes are your reality. xo

[http://mysweetbabu.typepad.com]

I so hear you! The choice to stay home with my children was simple...mostly because daycare for 2 children would cost a fortune...and I'd probably end up divorced because I would be SO miserable if I were not caring for them myself!

Trust me, it is not always easy...and I'm finding that the crafty mama stuff gets harder when there are 2 kiddos, neither of which nap!
But,I am finally opening an ETSY shop in August (after daydreaming about it forever!) with some of the things that I make at home...I think that if you have the desire and you obviously have the talent, then you should go for it!

I also really appreciate the posts that come past my blogg! Thanks for writing this!
a.

[JoAnn]

I think you were inside my head this week.:) June is the month I am going to spend making things to stock my etsy store. All of your concerns and worries are echoed in my thoughts. Still I am pushing forward and I am going to stop being my own worst critic and take a leap. I'm glad to know I'm not alone.

[Annette]

I heartily refute the notion that one is not a 'feminist' or is somehow setting women's lib back a hundred years just because she wants and desires deeply to stay home and raise her children. I think that any non-fanatical feminist or healthy liberal-minded person would say that feminism is about women having the CHOICE to either have a career outside the home, to have or not have children, to marry or not, to become a firefighter or rugby player or midwife; basically to live out her femininity in the way which rings true for her as an individual, without being oppresed by some staid and insecurity-based madatory role, oppressive culture or religion. I think modern feminism went and get hijacked though. It became oppressive too, just in the opposite fashion, where now there is stigma about staying home, and tremendous logistic difficulties, as you're fearing. Alas, I think it is such an incredibly high calling, and glorious work, to bring aware and healthy children into this world, and to provide a wonderful, grwoth-oriented, creative home for the family. I am hoping the feminist backlash is starting to settle a bit and soon every woman's unique dream and destiny, no matter what it is, will be given the respect it deserves.
With that being said, Erin, I cannot tell you how loudly my intuition is SCREAMING that you are on absolutely the right road for you. If there were an encyclopedia entry for 'crafty, loving, creative, industrious, grounded, earthy, deeply inspiring, wonderfully human and profoundly nurturing stay-at-home-mama GODDESS', your picture would be emblazoned across the pages. I applaud your conscious and courageous decision to jump headlong into creating and selling your art despite your self-doubt, and old, obsolete fears. I believe that if anyone can make the way to live her dream, it's you, and I mean that.
And, damn, me too, I love the other bloggers I'm discovering here. I have like 15 new sites that I glean positivity and inspiration from everyday now! You attract a cool crowd!

[Jan Scott]

Good for you for recognizing what you want and for working so hard to try to make it happen. Success happens when determination exceeds talent, and although I do find you to be incredibly talented, I think your determination to do this will help you to succeed in your endeavours. Best of luck with it all!

[Julie]

Annette said it all so well, it seems futile to try to say the same thing only less eloquently.

You have a talent that has been in you always, I recall your artistic abilities from highschool, and believe that you'll be successful.

I hope to come to the Festival and support your endeavors. :D

[Denise]

for me - I'd love to jump out of working. Even though my kids are 12,10 and 8 - I still want to be available for them 100%.

I love this post and all the comments that followed.

and, really cute toes : )

[Jordan Douglas]

I deeply admire what you are trying to do in your life. Please have the strength to go forward in all of your adventures, knowing so many of us are cheering you on!

As others have said as well, thank you for all of the wonderful people you have linked to here. It is a joy to explore everyone's blogs.

[Umatji]

I agree with all above - a good friend of mine commented a while back that when she first met me she thought I had it all sorted out. now she has known me a while, she can recognise what she calls 'fake it till you make it' when I have that going on! What ever you call it - leap out in faith! Poppy Anne believes in you - what more do you need?
Umatji
http://umatji.blogspot.com/

[jessica]

Can I tell you how much I absolutely love this space. Really, I do! I'm diving in to knitting my first sweater tonight. It should be a ride!

[deb]

I stayed in the "comfort zone" for nearly 16 years and pretty much every day I prayed to God on the way to work to find me a way out. I'd get to work and think to myself, what's the point? I was wasting my life away with people that drove me crazy. I spent more time with them than my own family. I think that is so wrong. Life is way too short to let it just waste away. The last couple of years at that job almost did me in. The company had a layoff and it was one of the best days my life. That was 1 1/2 years ago. Since that time I've been venturing into areas that I never thought I'd be able to do. Sometimes all I had to do was ask. It's been an incredible journey and I'm a different person now. So much better.

Erin, I *know* that you will be successful at whatever you do because of *who* you are. You are an amazingly talented person. Don't ever sell yourself short. I can guarantee you that whatever doesn't sell at the festival, you could open an Etsy shop and all of us would be there to support you. Once you get out there and start, the positive feedback will start flowing and the self-doubt will fade away.

You have so much potential! :)

[flowers]

Thank you for such an honest post. Becoming a mother 5 or so years ago changed my consciousness for ever. What does it mean to be a mother? What is my "job"? My "vocation"? My "work"? What does that all mean to me, to my children, to society? Does it even matter?

What am I good at? What do I enjoy doing? How does that integrate between children and inner-self and the world?

Why am I even asking these questions? lol!

It's a journey for sure and I think your path is beautiful and unfolding and your going to rock the folk festival mama! Believe it and Be it!

[genny]

Isn't it funny how you become the person you want to be? It's all about that setting your head to it and focusing your energy there. One night, when my son was just over a year old. I couldn't sleep. I got up and wrote in my diary that I wanted to become the woman I am inspired by. Not any specific other person, just what I am inspired by. Slowly but steadily, it is happening, and I also see that I am and have become surrounded by other women who inspire me - people like you! And thank you, I think this will be my jumping off point for today's blogpost. BTW, my green and white photos are also on today's post - I guess I'll have two!

So envious of Canada's health care system. We've considered moving there because of it, but I think there's a long line!

Thanks for the daily inspiration Erin.

[Elle]

I couldn't agree with you more Erin. My only desire is to be home with my twin girls. My anxiety has kicked in as well. My mat leave ends this August. After much deliberation I have decided to stay home with my girls and hopefully future babes. I'm not sure how it will all work out but I'm confident the universe will provide. I'm open to new opportunities and hope by putting myself out there good things will come my way. My grandfather is a very spiritual man and when he feels me worry he says "God always provides money for a home and children." Have faith, work hard and it WILL work out. I say go for it!

[Jamie]

What you are doing is exactly what you were meant to do. Trust in that and everything will be o.k.
Last year was my first year running my pottery studio. I took the leap and decided to follow my dream and make art. What better example and lesson for my little guy. The shows were the hardest and you watch people look and your stuff and comment and at times walk away. You can't help but look and think "why don't you like me?" But then... someone buys your pieces and they love it. You get an e-mail from someone to show you where they put it in their house, you see it being loved, and you know that this is what you were meant to do. What you do here on this site touches and inspires. You are making a difference not only in PoppyAnne's life but the lives of your peers as well.

[earthycraftymommy]

Wise words indeed.

In my "past life" before children that is, I worked as an actor & director; not the easiest way to pay the rent. Despite all the obstacles though, I did pay the rent!!

My life now is sooo different from where I thought it would be, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

You are so right, trusting that we will get where we need to be is the key!

Best of luck to you on all of your endeavors... I'm sure we'll all smile & say "I knew her when..."

Cheers!
~Michelle

[liz]

that poppy anne has one great mama.

[Kyce]

Hello,
I've been enjoying your blog, and the thoughtful way in which you approach art and mothering. My daughter is now fourteen months, and I am also putting energy into finding creative ways to bring more money into the house--partly because it's needed, but also because I know that my sense of wholeness it tied up with what I manifest in the world personally, as well as as a mother.

I wanted to share that I think your images with phrases and words on them are lovely and would make a great collection of cards.

Looking forward to seeing where the journey takes you next!

[Lesa]

Erin,

I have a friend who works an online business at FLR. http://www.freelunchroom.com/board/index.php?referrerid=91716 It's not spam and not a scam. That's her direct link. I also have her work email address, if you'd like to contact her that way, too (just email me). She will walk with you hand in hand to get you trained in how it works. You'll be making money right away. It could be something you work on a few hours a day and it would help keep you from having to go back to work outside the home.

[Katy Teson]

Loved this post! I have been anxiously awaiting the first farmers market (tomorrow! ah!) with both feelings of excitement and dread. I'm sure the "artistic circle" will welcome you with open arms Just keep on keeping on-- can't wait to hear about the festival :)

[Leanne]

lovely post. thank you!