apples for poppy anne

What I know for sure...

 

In less than two weeks, Poppy will be nine months old.  Nearly enough time has passed to make another baby, and the more I look at this little person, I realize just how different she is from the tiny lump we brought home; that she is in fact a "new baby".  Though pregnancy and labour were not at all what I had hoped for or envisioned, my heart aches a little to have those tiny sleepy days back.  And yet, I wouldn't trade these precious days of giggles and movement for anything. 

The upcoming milestone has brought me to a place of contemplation; contemplation of what has happened, what is to come, and what I would have done differently.  And so, I thought I would compile as many of my thoughts and lessons, as well as some of Poppy's milestones, into one blog post as possible.  We all have different values, priorities, and beliefs and the words below are what I know to be true for our own experiences only. 

Poppy and Her Milestones:

• On March 19th, Poppy gave her first real smile to Daddy.
• On June 25th, she gave mama her first giggle and rolled over on her own
• On July 10th, we found out she could sit up with out any help.
• On July 13th, she gobbled her first bit of organic rice cereal.
• On August 1st she stood up in her playpen.
• On September 27th, she made "mama" her first word and later in the evening made "Dada" her second word.
• On September 28th, she balanced on all fours, and has since mastered the art of crawling.
• She flirts with the notion of walking and carefully steadies herself on a chair or our hands, lets go and then vibrates with joy when she finds herself standing alone.
• She realized the joy of having daddy "chase" her as she crawls away squealing, giggling, and looking back often to make sure he is still following her.
• Just this Tuesday we awoke to find she had cut her first tooth without even an ounce of crankiness, fever, or drooling.
• People often comment to us in long lineups and waiting rooms how pleasant she is and ask if she is always this delightful to which we always beam and reply with a smiling yes.  And those eyes!  Not a stranger will glance at her without commenting on those brilliant blue inquisitive eyes.

Being a mother is my highest calling in this lifetime.

At the risk of sounding trite, I love everything about being a mama.  I love breastfeeding, attachment parenting, co-sleeping/bed sharing.  As someone who struggled most of her life to find a career that fit, I am happy to know that mama-hood is the job for me.  Though I have my moments of sheer frustration and exhaustion, I recover quickly and feel incomplete when I am away from my little family for any amount of time.  I have not once wished that I could escape or turn back time.  The transition has been a sweet one and teaches me everyday what I will and won't stand for {both as a mother and as a woman}.

I have discovered a deep love and reward for breastfeeding. 

I knew the endless benefits of breastfeeding, but the very thought of it made me squeamish.  I had no idea it could feel this natural and make me feel so connected and necessary even though I am a huge believer in following our body's lead and nature always knowing best.  Despite my irrational and unexplained nervousness about it, I knew without a doubt that I would commit myself to it for the minimum of a year because it would be healthiest, for my baby and myself.  This isn't to say it was always pretty or romantic what with engorged breasts, blocked ducts, bleeding, and toe curling pain, but it has been worth it and I am entirely committed to it. 

A dear friend said to me just the other week that there comes a time when you grow up and stop putting yourself first and that time is when you become a parent.  This isn't to say you are no longer of importance, but that when a child is involved you set aside immaturities and decide to communicate, and you do things that are uncomfortable because they are for the greater good.  It is what you sign up for.

We have learned that so many items labeled as baby "must haves" are highly overrated.

We tried our best to not buy into the commercial lists printed on registries and magazines, but through taking advice from well-meaning friends and acquaintances and a little bit of guesswork we ended up with a lot of items we could do without.  

The Overrated:

Cribs {night time nursing is so much easier when co-sleeping}
Strollers {though handy at times it is more often not so}
Baby Swings
Endless amounts of receiving blankets
Baby Tubs
Changing Pads
Plastic Toys {why bother when pots, pans, wooden spoons, remotes and phones are much more attractive and entertaining anyway}
Shoes
Baby Trainers and their books
Bathing suits {the birthday suit always fits}

The Essentials:

A good quality sling or carrier.  {Best.  Investment.  Ever.}
Sleepers
Cold weather clothing {hats, coats, socks, mitts, etc}
A bassinet {I found a beautiful sea grass bassinet for $10 at our local Value Village}
A camera
Dr. Sears'  collection of books
A highchair
Baby gates and/or a playpen
Bibs
Baby washcloths

Advice I would give if ever asked:

Put down the parenting and training books.  Follow your baby’s lead.  Honour the wise little spirits within them.  Babies are not burdened by social filters and know exactly what they want and need.  Pick them up when they reach for you.  Comfort them when they cry.  Help them sleep when they don't know how to stop moving long enough to do it themselves.  Teach them that they can trust you so that they can explore the wide world wholeheartedly with you safely at their back.  Love and listening does not spoil a child.

 

What I hope to give Poppy and our future children:

It is very important for me to stay home with Poppy (and any other babes we may have).  We really want to homeschool/unschool {I would love any links or reccomendations on these topics if you care to share...especially Canadian resources!}.  Mostly, I want her to listen to her gut and instincts.  So many things in my life could have been different if I had listened to my heart and done what I wanted rather than doing what others thought to be suitable.  I want to foster that trust of self as much as I can so that she/they may realize her own dreams and potential.  I think everything else falls into place if you have a strong sense of self.

 

e.

twenty five

annette::erin

Letting Go & Paper Lanterns

 
I am a bit of a hoarder...Ok, alright,  I am a lot of a hoarder. 

What began as a standard organizational sweep of our cluttered bedroom quickly turned into an overdue and slightly emotional purge.  I hold onto things for thinner days and fatter days; richer days and poorer days; rainy days.  I let go of beautiful and well crafted items that just weren't me anymore.  I let go of clothes that I loved in high school.  I let go of clothing that I bought in hopes I would one day fit into again.  I am not letting go of the goal of losing weight or someday being brave enough to wear that skirt and bare theselegs.  But in this moment I am drowning in stuff and the guilt of broken promises to myself.  Rather than feeling motivated, it was all making me feel worse about myself.  If I came across an item that was especially difficult to release, I reminded myself that by holding onto these items I was indirectly saying that there is a lack of abundance in this world and in my life. 

I release these beloved items out into the world so that others may give them good homes.  Abundance is about letting go and enjoying the flow.  I am creating space for the things that I really want and letting go of the items that weigh me down.

And so, to celebrate the abundant shelf space and the empty floor in our tiny closet I hung these festive paper lanterns above our bed.

e.

 {Above items available at Sycamore Street Press & Satsuma Lynn} 

 

I have been committing much of my time to finding my positive center.  I have returned to my large life-chart hanging in my happy studio space.  I have reopened scrapbooks filled with inspiring images of what I hope for and what I feel gratitude for.  My favourites include names like Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra, Louise Hay and may not be for everyone, but they are for me.

Through all of the listening I am gathering what resonates with me and creating a message that fits my needs.  Some of the main nuggets that I have come upon are these:

Say yes to the things that frighten and thrill you. 

Be grateful for the rain that has already fallen. 

Be open to the people coming into your life; the doors opening to new opportunities; and the clues along the way.

Follow each clue wholeheartedly and it will always lead you to the next clue.

I have said yes to taking photographs.  I have said yes to the photography course.  I have said yes to the craft shows.  I am saying yes to my creativity.  I am saying yes to new friendships.  All of this yea saying will ultimately bring the necessary people and circumstances into my life.

Shortly after I finished watching "You Can Heal Your Life", I found myself on Etsy and was drawn to a letterpress fortune teller listed in my favourite items.  I suddenly had a vision of myself in a small but beautiful workshop that opened out to a wide field next to our house in the country {our dream house}.  I was watching myself move with grace around a large old letter press.  I had a thick canvas apron on and ink stained fingers.  I was wearing a linen tunic and dark denim and could hear the intoxicating sound of paper on paper.  Tssk tssk.  Tssk tssk.  There were children laughing outside in the long grass and Mike was bringing me a cup of tea with the same destiny as the cold cloudy cup of coffee sitting on the wooden desk.  The afternoon sun sliced across the floor and crept through the wooden screen door.  It all provides a comfortable and artful life for us with many hours to spare for picnics under the trees and building fairy houses by the tiny creek.  I am calm, settled, and joyful.

I don't know the first thing about the art of the letterpress, but I do know that there is nothing I can't learn.  I don't feel a crazy sense of immediacy with this, but a gentle coaxing towards it.  A comfortable knowing that it is something I could feel at ease in.  And it fits me so well; a quiet perfectionist who often craves solitude and simple beauty.  I can't deny the thrill that runs through me when I see and touch beautiful paper that is more like beautiful fabric.  I can't help but buy large sheets of textured scrapbook paper even though I am not a scrapbooker.  Such a pure and ancient beauty in the same category as linen and wind.

Could it be that this is what I want to be when I grow up?

 

e.

The Vaccination Debate

Mike and I have struggled with the frustrating topic of vaccinations for Poppy. 

Firstly, we have found that most of the information available from the non-vaccination side of the argument are based on American standards (which make our research even more frustrating!).  We took Poppy to her first check up with the pact to gather information only.  The nurse practitioner was patient, but firm in her belief that we should vaccinate.  The biggest concern was with the mercury and autism link even though it has recently been debunked.  We were surprised to find out that, in Canada, the only vaccine which contains mercury is the flu shot (a shot we wouldn't go for anyway and even that is much less than you would find in a tuna sandwich).   She also told us that people spend too much time fretting over vaccines when a very real issue lies in the overuse of antibiotics (something else we try to stay clear of as well).

We decided to move forward with the vaccinations one step at a time; one decision at a time.   We have agreed to do the bare minimum and will not be going for the chicken pox or flu vaccines. I am still nervous to trust the same people who allowed drugs such as Thalidomide into the world, but I don't want to make these decisions based on fear alone and put Poppy at risk for diseases that are preventable.  All we want to do is make the right and healthy choices for our child.

Now we are faced with the H1N1 virus and vaccine.  The virus seems to be a ruthless and unpredictable one and that makes me nervous.  It is also close to home as my mother works with a woman who's 4 year old daughter was just diagnosed with the virus, though only a mild case. 

We have never been ones to get a flu shot, but everything changes when you have a child.  Everything.  It feels impossible to make the right decision or know what information is true.  We are forced to play the 'what if' game to the bitter end.  What if we get Poppy vaccinated and she suffers some rare or unknown side effect?  What if we don't vaccinate her and she is one of the ones to get a vicious case of the flu?  What if we take the risk of vaccinating and it isn't effective?  All we can do is chose the lesser evil in a damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don't scenario.

Is it really any worse than flu strains of years past?   Every year it seems to be a new thing that is going to wipe out humans; the bird flu, listeriosis, SARS, the swine flu.  Is this just the over-drugged world that we live in complete with mutating super bugs and insanely intelligent viruses?  People are taking too many antibiotics and numbing their symptoms  with drugs so that they can go to work and infect the public rather than taking the necessary time to heal. 

It is hard to know the right answers, but it all makes me want to go deep into the woods and never come out. 

Please share your thoughts and experiences.

e.

Lemon Meringue Pie & A Workout

I awoke this morning with a new feeling; a feeling I haven't had in a really long time.  I woke up ready to work out.  I woke up feeling ready to move past my fears and in the direction of my dreams.  I woke up and didn't eat for breakfast, the dreamy little lemon meringue pie I made yesterday.  I woke up feeling prepared to do what it takes.  I woke up feeling done with being fat.

I have been struggling with the body that pregnancy has left me with.  I vowed to begin working out as soon as the baby was in this world; as soon as my feet resembled something other than potatoes; as soon as the nausea would allow me to eat a salad again.  But things took a wicked twist and I was taken out by an emergency C-section and long recovery.  Despite me being immobile, the weight began to drop off with breastfeeding alone.  I lost 40 of the 55 pounds in what seemed like weeks...melted...gone.  The procrastinator in me rejoiced and I put off formal exercise and diet for a later date.

Well that date has arrived and I have been stuck at this weight (15 pounds higher than my pre-pregnancy weight which was already above my ideal weight) for months now and it is getting old.  Seriously.  I am still breastfeeding and will continue to do so until February at minimum (another post could be written on this topic), but the frequency has dwindled during the days as I follow her lead. 

My goal is to lose 25 pounds.  Like Oprah, I can't believe I am still talking about this.  I can't believe I am still battling with this. 

Today feels different.  Maybe it is because I am coming out of the facebook fog, or maybe it is due to the sheer amounts of Wayne Dyer wisdom I have been listening to in the past week.  Whatever the reason, I woke up with a renewed outlook on the topic.  Instead of focusing on the end, I will focus on today.  Instead of looking at the huge task ahead, I will focus on the tiny decisions.  Each day I will arrive and feel well.  I will stop holding myself to impossible standards.  I will be patient and kind with myself.  I will celebrate the small triumphs.

Now lets just hope I wake up with a similar clarity tomorrow.

e.

I have decided to do a facebook detox. 

Although I love the reconnecting and networking I have been able to do with it I find it gnaws insatiably at my valuable time.  Time that will never return.  It is just a little too reminiscent of high school with its pettiness paired with barbed comments, and status updates.  So many souls {though definitely not all!} seeking validation.

In general, it is a rather curious website by which we can creep and sneak into other's lives and base opinions and comparisons upon our findings.   Some people are able to find a balance, but for others it becomes an strange addiction to status updates and what lost friends are doing in their spare time.  For me, it is the latter of the two and I can't seem to stay away from the mind numbing crack that is facebook.  

I may return to it or I may not.  I am committed to 21 days without it and see how I feel after the lame-ass drug is out of my system.  It is a rather daunting task to stay in touch without facebook.  After all, I don't even have the email addresses of one third of my friends and I don't do the telephone {though if I had one like this, perhaps I would be more inclined}.  But it is a tad bit sad if we are merely friends with others because it is effortless isn't it?

I must admit that it is a freeing feeling.  Like finally removing a cumbersome piece of furniture from your space. 

As for today...

Today is a grey day perfect for making hankerchief Christmas gifts and perusing my new books Carefree Clothes for Girls and Linen Cotton and Wool . 

Today, the streets and earth are drunk and fat with rain making the remaining orange and yellow leaves pop out of the otherwise muted landscape.

Today I signed up for a photography night course that focuses on natural and artificial lighting.  It begins tomorrow evening.

Today I will stop living in terms of status updates and replace negative with positive.

Today, the wind smells like freshly churned soil.

Today is for making apple crisp while listening to audio books.

Today I remember the quote "Your opinion of me is none of my business".

Today, it ends with me.

e.

So I did it.

I went completely outside of my comfort zone and did a complementary and somewhat experimental family photo session for friends of ours.  And through the sweat and nerves, I enjoyed myself.  It didn't feel like work, but it challenged me in good ways.  On top of that, I am happy with the results and so are The Scotts. 

A beautiful family and priceless friends!

Now I must work out some details: consider some technical training; purchase some new equipment, figure out pricing; and so much more!  I would love feedback from anyone who has had family photos done!  What I am thinking of doing to start is a 1 to 2 hour outdoor session on site, a CD of all suitable photos, all photo editing, organizing.  Perhaps branch out into other products like photo books and prints/canvas. 

To view all photos click HERE.

 

e.

Annette: Today I stayed home. Earlier in the week I was marveling at the fact that I have not had a day where I simply stayed home in probably a year at least. I read, wrote long overdue letters, and attended to matters of my health and peace. Outside were the crimson tendrils of sunset; the fleeting colors of Autumn in the trees tempting me from my day of rest and repose, but in vain. I stood at my window, in my pajamas at sunset, and vowed to be out and take in the sights, scents and colors of this glorious but fugacious season; just not today. 

Erin:  A long overdue day spent lounging.  Grey linen pants and white cotton.  Fresh laundry.  Afternoon bubble baths.  Contemplating options and dreams for the future.  A happy baby defying sleep.  Good movies and cheap laughs,  Roasted potatoes.  Apple cider and granola bars.  Big dreams of bridge mixture that never came to fruition. ...And much more importantly, coming to the realization that perhaps even bigger dreams may come to fruition {yes, even bigger than choclate bridge mixture}, but more on that tomorrow!

A Dose of Good

 
"We must raise ourselves to the levels of energy where we are the light we seek, where we are the happiness we desire, where we are the love we are missing, where we are the abundance we crave.  By being it, we attract it to us..." 

Wayne Dyer

 
Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you.

Wayne Dy

 

Joy is a return to the deep harmony of body, mind, and spirit
that was yours at birth and that can be yours again.
That openness to love, that capacity for wholeness
with the world around you, is still within you

Deepak Chopra

 
"People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child -- our own two eyes. All is a miracle"

Thich Nhat Hanh

 
"You'll see it when you believe it"

Wayne Dyer